The Sanctuary of the Lord

PSALM 73:16.....

16 When I pondered to understand this It was troublesome in my sight

17 Until I came into the sanctuary of God;
Then I perceived their end

Source: google.com via Carolyn on Pinterest

there are no great words of wisdom here...no insights that you and I don't already know....the only thing I could think of this morning as Jim and I sat and listened to Harry's sermon on the radio and tried to justify staying home and relaxing just one more Sunday before school started....was that I had to be in the sanctuary of the Lord!! I've never, ever, ever felt that before....not like today! We sat in our sunroom and thought we were having the most relaxing Sunday ever as Jim cleaned windows, we let Miller sleep late because he had been at the Gilbert's lake house and I blogged and listened to the sermon...which I will say..I always do because I can't hear well and it truly helps me once we are in church!!! Gosh I sound old!! but I can't help the way God made my ears!!! I love being able to nudge Jim when a really good point is about to be made or a funny joke is about to be told etc...but what I really love is that it helps ME understand the sermon! I guess I'm also a slow learner!! Nonetheless...I always listen to the early service while getting ready...and then I'm "ready" for the sermon at the late service...moving along....today was quite different...

I almost felt rebellious if I must say!!! I'm not quite sure why except that I feel as if I've been hiding away for a few months now...I've been  getting away with it because of how busy everyone is over the summer, etc...and everyone thinks I'm so busy at my shop! When in reality...Ellen Hill has changed my life and I am FOREVER grateful! She is truly a God send and I will never take it, or her for granted!!! When God chose to take Holly and Brad out of Alabama and put them into the pit of ....well...move them to Kenner, Louisiana.....right next to New Orleans....God showed His favor on me and gave me Ellen!!! I'm trying ever so hard to not put too much on her!!! So far I haven't asked her to baby sit or anything like that but she sure does fill a need where there was a huge need and she took over a role that I needed her to take over!! In fact ....she filled a need that I didn't even see coming! I had everything planned out just so... until God moved Holly and Brad away from me and I lost my the person that i thought was goint to be  my "right hand girl"!!  And that's fine!!!  Especially since Ellen and Holly were already good friends and I didn't even know it!!! It makes it so much easier because it's as if I've known her my whole life!! But I've got to quit hiding...I've got to quit pretending...and I've got to start letting God love me again!! 

This morning...after I quickly realized what was happening...and I told Jim to go get Miller up...at 10:30 mind you!!! and I still had no make up on or hair done or breakfast made for Miller...all I could think of was the fact that I needed to be in the Sanctuary of the Lord!!! I threw on a dress...put on make up....but the hair!!!! it wouldn't do...so I told them to go on and I would come late!!! ( Oh...and yes I did make Miller some breakfast!! ) ...by 11:10 I was still doubting as I pulled in the parking lot alone...part of me just wanted to sit on the steps of the church...staring at the cars in the parking lot and praying for the people in MY church!!! and yet I truly, truly, truly wanted to just "feel" the arms of His sanctuary around me!!! I can honestly say I loved being the only one in the parking lot walking up to a full church!!! I wanted to dance and sing and praise God right out front and then I thought of the hidden cameras that are probably all around and the duty deacons, etc...so I didn't!! But i sure wanted too!!!! 

I realize I've probably left you wondering why in the world I've even written this!!! And that's probably a good thing!! But....when I heard Chris Fabry's show on WLJR tonight...and I heard his callers calling in to talk about grief and verses that meant alot to them it struck me that in my own since of the word...I've been dealing with alot of grief! alot of real disappointment...alot of heartache...just alot of things not working out the way i wanted them to!!! and I can only imagine that alot of you have been dealing with these things as well!! 

I do feel God's love all of the time! I am so blessed for that! I have never doubted His goodness or that He is working out His perfect will in our lives...I'm just disappointed alot of the time that it wasn't my simple little plan to make life work out! But guess what?? If my plan had been worked out everytime...my children would probably never be the close married couples that they are...they wouldn't be depending on each other and looking to God to meet their needs...they would be looking to me and Jim!!! and that, my friends....puts it ALL in perspective!!! We would be such a disappointment to them!!! But God NEVER is!!! and they know that!!! and I am forever blessed that they are all trusting in Him to lead them where He would have them go!!!! 

Which leads me back to Psalm 73:16!!! When I did ponder all of this...it was very troublesome to me!!! That's when I felt God's nudging....just go rest in My Sanctuary today...and that's just what I did and I loved every minute of it!!! I even got to watch the kids that had been at Impact Weekend and pray for them....and THAT my friends...is whole "nother" blog post on God's Faithfulness!!!!

Thank You, Lord...for who You are ...and for Your sovereignty in all of our endeavors.....