Finally getting to sit down...and rest??? Is that possible in my world? I don't know!! LOL!! like my world is really all that hard! However...my stomach is upset...in fact, it's in knots just fretting over getting back to work and making Miller feel very welcomed when he arrives tomorrow night! So very wrong, I know..I'm not "stupid" or naive...I know very well...all TOO well that I do this to myself!!!! My blood pressure medicine was doubled the day before we left for the beach ( 1 week and 1 day ago! ) and boy can I tell!! It's Maavelous....as Billy Crystal says!!! Even though I am a bit lethargic...it hasn't stopped me for one bit!! I can't believe I didn't truly seek help sooner!! Why did I think I had to live like that?? I didn't realize how "miserable" or uncomfortable that I was...anyway....Life is Beautiful right now.....as I listen to Lee Dewyze sing on Idol for the 100th time!! Love this song and love the words!! If I wasn't so afraid of UTUBE and their comments, etc...I would post him singing this song... I truly love it! Holly had made me a CD of his for Christmas and we've been listening to it the whole way home today!! So good!!!
Anyway...yes, my blood pressure was way too high and I've been very fretful over my shop, my kids, etc...just like the rest of us all are but the day that we put Miller on the plane for this mission's trip to Nicaragua my heart was not at peace...I didn't like the fact that sweet, precious Emily Mile's wasn't able to go on this trip due to an illness...found out at the airport that one of my dearest friends was in the hospital having surgery for a collapsed lung...and then at 5:30 that morning as we are leaving the airport hear the news about the earthquake in Japan...my heart was grieving...my spirit was shaken and very scared!! In fact...when we finally got back to our street I told Jim to pass our driveway and go to the Mulvaney's house..."just let me see if there is anyone there to keep the girls and lets just sit and pray for them!" is what I remember saying to him! We sat...we stared at the Sunrise mind you...not the Sunset like we are used to and I remarked that good heavens it's beautiful this time of day and we sure could get alot done in a day if we were always up and about by 3:30 am!! Anyway... my heart was truly breaking for my dear friend in surgery, her husband that I knew was probably distraught....her precious girls ....and then the news of Japan...and selfishly wondering if Miller should really be on this trip at all......
Well...the updates we have received have been truly the most encouraging things ever!!! My son...my precious baby!!! ( he would kill me! ) chose to go on this mission's trip...was about the first in line when you had to sign up because it fills up so quickly and then you are chosen to go....one of his closest friends, Tom Muir-Taylor was going for the 2nd time and I know this was a huge influence on Miller's decision! I was so glad!!! Well...months go by...football is played...even State Championship playoffs...Basketball is played...and played...and then Lacrosse starts...and then the whining starts!!! Yes...you heard me ....the normal, fun, 17 year old American teenage boy....doesn't want to go anymore and whines a little bit...mind you...he is careful...I guess he's seen too much of me and my "ways" and didn't whine "that" much but I really felt his pain! I didn't want him to go either!! I didn't want to send him out of the country...I didn't want to not get to be with him over Spring Break....Shoot...even BYG ( our youth group ) threw us for a loop this year and went SKIING of all things!!! That's Miller's dream and sooo not mine!!! I would've loved for him to get this out of his system with THEM and not ME!!! But.....but.................."Not My will, Lord....but Thine!".........that's the only thing that kept me prodding him along all of those months of complaining...and mind you...it was just normal teenage or anyone complaining...not serious complaining...just doubts...just worries...just normal thoughts and even I as his mother had those exact same thoughts.....until we got to the airport....as "apprehensive" as I could tell he was the ENTIRE day before...even when Holly came over to tell him good bye...even when we loaded the car for the airport....even when he kept saying after every hug I gave him, " So, are ya'll leaving? Are ya'll really leaving? And I would shake my head and say NO~~~ just wanted to hug you one more time...and he didn't pull away!!! HE DIDN'T PULL AWAY!!!!!!!!! that doesn't happen often with a teenage boy! so you better believe we stayed...and stayed....even though we were in our Seaside shirts and the car was packed for Spring Break....we stayed....and after that ...we Prayed ......my heart was breaking....I don't do good-byes very well in case you haven't noticed! :)
Now, all that I'm really wondering is how well do I do "hello's?"...you see...after we " let" him go...after we've been getting the most wonderful updates from the Team there in Nicaragua...all I can really think is "how could we have NOT let him go?" I really do feel sorry for the friends that didn't go...I feel sorry for the people missing out on the blessings...I even told Jim at the airport that I could so see HIM going next year!!! ( LOL!! of course I didn't say ME!!! not saying miracles don't happen...I just don't want to get in the WAY of them! ) anyway...we've had numerous updates from Dr. Mossbacker and fun, funny updates from Tim Townes...need I say more??!!! but the best...the very best one of all was after several days at the beach, and Jim not answering strange calls and me nagging him that it might possibly be Miller calling to tell Jim Happy Birthday...we MISSED several calls!!! in the meantime...I had been texting Peggy Townes who happened to mention that she missed David's call and that the number was very strange and only had 9 numbers! So....at Jim's birthday dinner..at quite a nice restaraunt in Destin....( oh...and I forgot to say that I was jealous everytime a number called all day and Jim answered or Holly answered and I remember saying a very selfish prayer ....Lord...I sure would like to be the one to hear that voice say, "Mama?"...) and I got to!!!!!! I know it was Jim's birthday...but it was every mother's dream!!!! The excitement and enthusiasm in his voice was like none I've heard in a very long time....in fact...it only reminds me of my true first love of Jesus..when I was a "camper" at Camp Briarwood and truly learned what it meant to be a Christian!! There are really certain tones in a child's voice, certain inflections that probably only a parent can distinguish....and certainly only a parent can appreciate and learn from and help guide that child to a full understanding of what it means to truly put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior! All I can say is that Miller's voice held nothing but Joy....joy from being satisfied that he was serving...and to think...that in all of my selfish ways, even I at times thought of not letting him or "making" him go on this missions' trip! If I had cost him this Joy...or this experience...I can't even imagine!! So....I know this has been a VERY long post...but it's really just a weeks worth of a mother's heart!!! WOW!! it could be SOOOO much longer but I'm sparing even myself!! However....Now we say hello!!!!! I can't wait to update you!!!! The reports we've been receiving have been amazing...a little slice of heaven....when you have an entire "village" or "school" line up for 50 yards in an area that has a washed out entrance...among many other things...and you are welcomed by that fan fare...that applause...like my dear friend Lisa Anne said....it really is what heaven will be like when we are welcomed by our Heavenly Father with open arms...and I'm sure alot of applause....
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