Finally!!!

Several months ago I was "chomping at the bit" to be able to say what was really bothering me...to tell all of our secrets...to tell why I was so sad or so frustrated....now that its finally here....I'm not really sure just what I feel yet! I know it sounds crazy, but...at the same time...when I walked in from work yesterday to see Holly and Brad "plopped" in front of the fire place, feet up, relaxing so it seemed...my mother's intuition took over. I quickly ran to the bathroom for a moment alone! I came back in the kitchen, pretended to do "something"..not even sure what it was...began washing my hands and thats when even my truly deaf ears heard Brad say, "Carolyn, we have something to tell you!" For a moment I actually thought of running back out the door! Then I just didn't say ANYTHING!!! I was frozen!!! I peered around the kitchen cabinets to see Holly's sweet face turned directly to me...not crying...just blank...and Brad in his chair...thats all I remember...I tried to tell them not to tell me until Jim got home! In fact, I admit... i kept waiting for them to jump up and say " We Got It!" but they didnt.... You see...we've prayed about this moment since last July!! We've known Brad had a huge chance at getting the store in Southside...I've driven the drive 1000 times!! I've circled the place alone trying to decide if "I" thought it was acceptable...did we really want it for them? Was is too dangerous? Was it too stressful for a young guy? Jim and I have sat in the parking lot and prayed over it numerous nights after leaving Bottega or Surin or wherever!!! Whenever we felt led....we were there! We really thought God was going to put Brad and Holly in this new store! This new concept of a store...not one like it here!!! Brad and Holly are perfect for it!!! A perfect fit!!! in "our" eyes!!!! I've saved all of the newspaper articles to be framed once Brad was there to put in his office!!! WOW!!! And....when we realized the time was up for Brad to be told after his interview...which went EXTREMELY well by the way...we all began to fret! We were all on pins and needles, I will admit!!! He should've heard a week ago!!!We all began to get ansy and angry! I prayed that they wouldn't get bad news on Holly's birthday! Well....they did!!! And it was hard!! I'm not going to lie!!! But I let them tell me...all by myself! I felt a peace like i've only felt a few times in my life! I didn't cry....Holly didn't cry...Brad didn't cry!!! We all discussed the reasons why?? The what if's and the fact that God truly has their best interest in mind!! We may not know the reasons why for a long time.... WE might never know them at all!!! Which is why I've gone back to re-read alot of my own posts in this blog!!! its time to put my money where my mouth is so to speak!!! Not for one minute have I doubted God's faithfulness or His Goodness!!! Now..don't get me wrong!!! I've doubted ME!!!! Very much so!!! I Cried!!! and they never knew it!!! and you know what? My eyes weren't even swollen!!! I truly laughed when I looked at myself in the mirror because I knew God had done that for me!!! I was able to be sad and cry to God by myself!!! They didn't need to see it or know it!!! I'm here to help them! to guide them....to support them!!!! I didn't cry in front of anyone until this afternoon as Holly sat by the fire (Brad went back to Jackson this morning for one more week) and I began to tell her what I didn't want to admit....I let myself finally give in to the fact that I want them here!!! I want my life back with them and I want them here to be with all of us!! I want her to teach again at Briarwood Christian School because she was so good! Everyone loved her and I just want my little, simple, Briarwood life to go on because I didn't grow up with that all of my life!! I LONGED for it!!! But....Briarwood is blessed with so many wonderful teachers that I finally verbalized to her what God had already been putting on my heart!!! " I think God may want to use you in other schools, or other areas as opposed to Briarwood right now!" of course, I began to cry! Why is it so hard to tell others that God has finally broken your will? Its still hard to write this because its everything on my heart and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or Holly or Brad or Jim or anyone!!!

We are blessed beyond measure!!! Its just always hard to watch your children be disappointed...especially when they've strived so hard for it...done everything above and beyond the call of duty! And...in your own heart you know they are more than capable and you feel like going to Truett or Dan and saying "What are you thinking?" in fact...I asked Brad this morning if I could call his supervisor and inform him that this was in fact a horribly wrong decision and he said, No....that would be embarassing!!!! Of course it would!!!

In fact...its embarassing to even admit that our hearts are downcast! That it put a bit of a damper on Holly's birthday!!! That we are very sad!!! But you know...it did! We are!!! All at the same time...experiencing the Peace that only Christ can give!!! Joy in the midst of circumstances!!!

I was able to finally compose myself and tell Holly that Jim and I wouldn't trade this time that she and Brad have spent in Jackson for ANYTHING!!! We have watched them both mature as adults and grow closer as a married couple...far more than if they'd been in Birmingham this whole time!!! Its definitely been for their good...and ours...even if we've had to let go!!! Its been hard on Miller because he does depend on Holly alot....most people wouldn't understand it and I don't really care! I'm just glad ( and extremely blessed!) that our children are ALL close! I do not take that lightly!!! It is a gift from God that I will always be thankful for! ....

So...where do we go from here??? Well...they move in a week....they don't know of any good apartments! ( Chick fil a puts you up...furnishes everything...stores your stuff!!! its just GRAND!!!) ha ha!! You are just in charge of hiding the "furry" pillows....the tacky paintings...oh wait.... I was about to be thankful! I could honestly use everyone's prayers!!! I'm truly fine!!! Right now I'm just trying to convince Holly that she and Brad need to investigate Anniston as opposed to taking whatever they see first on the Internet!!! They had to move twice in Jackson because that was never checked out in the first place!!! Its been hard on the parents...let me tell you!!!!

I'm very thankful for all that God has allowed us to experience! I'm glad that I'm smiling as I write this and that I'm looking forward to my house being empty! Go figure??? I long for them to be back....then I savor my alone time!! Which is what I'm doing at this very moment!! I've even "sacrificed" a basketball game to be able to sit here and write about it!!! God is good!!! All the time!!! All the time... God is good!!!! thats all I need to know...really!!!!

I am so very amazed that God has shown me His love through all of this! Not that ANY of this is bad!! Its just been a real learning process for our family and an extremely hard Trusting process for me!!! and I speak for Jim as well!!!! Our favorite verses are these....

Jeremiah 29:11-13 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call to Me and I will listen to you. You will seek Me with and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart!"

Lamentations 3:21-26" Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope; Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed! For His compassions never fail! They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness! I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait on Him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks him, it is good to wait quietly, for the salvation of the Lord!"